I don’t spank my kids. And before you promptly tell me about how you were spanked as a kid and how great you turned out. Or how some kids need to be spanked to keep them in line. Please continue reading.
I grew up in a home where spanking was naturally a popular form of discipline, but just because I was raised that way doesn’t mean I need to continue with that trend. My mother spanked and shouted, and my father would engage with us in a composed manner. And to be honest with you, my father’s method was more effective. I sincerely believe I qualify as one those people that turned out okay from the outside, but I had a lot of baggage that I’ve had to work through as an adult. I love my parents, but I am committed to doing things differently. Yes, children need to know that there are consequences for every action. But I don’t believe that spanking or beating is the sole answer. Here are some of the reasons why I don’t spank my kids.
I want a peaceful home
I genuinely want my home to remain a safe and peaceful space for my kids. My key role as a parent is to fiercely protect my family. How do I fulfil that role if I get physically aggressive with them when they’ve “broken the rules”? I need be the source of unconditional love and comfort, not pain, tears, and trauma. I know they won’t turn out to be the perfect adults, but I don’t want them to fear their own mother.
Modelling appropiate behaviour
Children would rather mimic what we do than listen to what we say. If I resort to violence when things don’t go my way, then I shouldn’t be surprised when my children do the same. I want to raise emotionally intelligent children who are in control of their own emotions. I want them to know nobody possesses the right to raise their hand at them, ever.
It’s not necessary
As much as spanking has been the disciplinary method of choice in most homes in the past, there are other effective ways to carefully teach and guide our children. I don’t believe that spanking my son will stop him from forgetting to clean his room. It won’t be more effective than sitting down and talking to him about choices or taking away privileges. These may not be traditional forms of discipline, but they are effective. And I genuinely believe they are worth exploring.
Children deserve to be treated with respect
Children are human beings that rightfully deserve to be treated with respect. As much as I don’t get physically aggressive with my husband, friends or extended family, I don’t think it’s okay to treat children that way.
There you have it, four key reasons why I don’t spank my kids. I am aware this is undoubtedly an extremely sensitive subject, and I’m not trying to convince you whether spanking is right or wrong. I use this platform to share my experiences and hopefully start conversations that will help us to navigate motherhood with a little more ease. How do you discipline your children? Let me know in the comments below.