Connection over correction is the one positive discipline tool that changed the way I approach parenting. Developing a positive and close relationship with our kids acts as a buffer for negative behaviour. 

The truth is, we cannot positively influence our children until we create a connection with them. Sometimes we need to stop dealing with negative behaviour and focus on healing our relationships with our kids. Now don’t get me wrong, kids need to be corrected when required but, we must find a good balance between the two. Here are tips on how you can put connection over correction into practice.

Spend one on one time

I can’t think of anything that can create a greater connection for your child than to know you enjoy spending time with them.

Frequently tell them about the positive traits you see in them

Instead of only complaining about what your child is doing wrong, spend more time talking about their positive traits. Such as; “I noticed how kind you were to your sister yesterday.” Or  “Well done for doing your chores without being told.” Or “That was very responsible of you.” Praise and be specific.

Avoid using labels

Saying things like, “you’re naughty” or “you’re a bad child,” changes the way children perceive themselves. If they begin to view themselves as bad, they’re more likely to misbehave. Instead, tell your child that they’ve made a poor choice. Our kids need to know that they’re still good kids, even if they sometimes make bad choices. 

Physical contact

Simple and effective. Hugs or any other form of physical affection release oxytocin, which helps calm a child and make them feel safe.

Learn to apologise

We are human beings, and we make mistakes. When we make mistakes, we need to own up and apologise. Now, this is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of courage and vulnerability. Not only that, your child will learn the importance of apologising.

Don’t shout at your kids

We don’t appreciate it when other people shout at us, but we think it’s okay to yell at our kids. Our kids are our equals, yes, we may be older than them, but they’re human. They deserve the same amount of respect that we demand from them. By respect, I don’t mean that kids should just do as they please, but treat them the way you want to be treated.

Although there may be many, those are some of the tips you can use to build a greater connection with your child. Once the connection is made, children are more open to respectful correction. How do you connect with your child? Let me know in the comments below.

Love B


Photography: Elsie B Photography